A Sermon on the Virtue of Affirmation

Last week I gave a lot of thought in the preparation of that sermon. I hope you remember that I said that a life that is filled with griping, complaining, criticism can be the outward sign of a far more serious spiritual condition within us. I did not easily come to this belief, but I believe that our soul’s salvation comes not from any knowledge that we may have. Our soul’s salvation is not an intellectual matter. I don’t believe that the creed we hold is what brings us into a perfect relationship to God. I just cannot believe that it is WHAT you believe that counts. It is not WHAT you believe ABOUT Jesus; it is putting your trust IN Jesus. That is a far different thing. And further, I believe that the outward sign of that trust in Jesus is our interpersonal relationships. The outward sign of our trust in Jesus is how we relate to our brothers and sisters. The outward sign of our trust in Jesus is how we manifest our love for one another. "Love one another just as I have loved you," Jesus said. I believe our soul’s salvation depends upon our interpersonal relationships. It is how we relate to our God and to our neighbor.

Today’s sermon is a follow-up of last week’s sermon. Do you remember the text last week? It was "don’t complain so that you may be perfect children." [Do everything without complaining or arguing so that you may be innocent and pure as God, perfect children, who live in a world of corrupt and sinful people." Philippians 2:14-15 (TEV)] Perfect? Perfect? To oversimplify we could say that if you want to be perfect don’t complain.

Now what is the opposite of complaining, arguing, criticizing, griping? How should we relate to one another. I believe that the answer is AFFIRMATION. Affirmation is relating to one another in a way that affirms them as children of God. It means seeing each other as persons of worth.

Some years ago we observed a "Month of Affirmation" at Central. We meant that we were going to pat each other on the back, cheer each other on, point out another’s strengths and virtues. We affirm ourselves when we say, "I’m O.K.," and we affirm others when we say, "You’re O.K." Some of you may remember that we put up a poster on the walls of the church. Each poster had a picture of a member of the church. All of us were invited to affirm the other members. We wrote, "I like Mary because she is so kind and generous to everyone," "I affirm John because he came to see me when I was in the hospital," "I affirm Paula because she has such a beautiful voice that is so inspiring."

I can imagine that the cynics among us thought this was just a "Mickey Mouse" game. It was just a sanctimonious, hypocritical amusement, without any sincerity. Maybe. But I don’t think so. I think we may have been on to something really big. I really believe that when we are about the work of affirmation, we are approaching the very heart of the deepest of all human needs. I think that we may have been on the verge of discovering the means by which the whole church can be changed.

The fundamental philosophical and theological question through history has been: What is the deepest need of human beings? The way you answer that question will determine how you respond to the world and how you live out your life. Karl Marx said the greatest need of human beings is economic equality. Sigmund Freud said that the human beings deepest need is pleasure. Another philosopher said that power is the greatest human need. The church has survived since the Protestant Reformation by assuming that every person’s greatest need is "salvation from sin." The church offered "the hope of forgiveness" as the ultimate answer to the deepest need.

I believe that all of these things are important -- but I am inclined to agree with Robert Schuller who says, "The need for dignity, self-worth, self-respect, and self-esteem is the deepest of all human needs." So when you destroy a person’s self-worth by criticism you may be reaching into the very soul of a person.

Let me ask you: if Jesus Christ stood before you and me this morning, how would he complete this sentence, "But the real issue is ...? What would he say to this congregation? Would he say, "The real issue is that you are all miserable sinners"? "You are wretches from the stinking slime of sin." "You are unworthy failures who haven’t done right?" Do you think that is what Jesus would say to you and me this morning?

Would he say, "You have committed adultery, you have slandered and gossiped, you’ve been jealous and hateful to one another, you have not tithed my gifts to you, you have not cared for the widow and the orphan." Is that what you think he would say to our congregation? All of those things are true you know -- all of it is true. And that is exactly the thing that the church has said to us so often through history.

But I don’t think this is what Jesus would say to this congregation this morning. I don’t think this is what he would say to you and to me. No. Do you know what I think he would say? "You are the salt of the earth. You are the light of the world. You are a child of the Eternal. Follow me and I will make you fishers of men. Receive and enjoy the fruit of salvation: Self-esteem. Self-worth. Hear God’s call to you. He would save you for high and holy service -- so be proud of who you are. Stop putting yourself down. Start enjoying the dignity that is your God-intended destiny. You have royal blood in your veins. You are a child of God."

That is what Jesus would say to you and me this morning: I think he would say that you are a child of God. [PAUSE] I am a child of God. [PAUSE] Will you join me in saying that? [PAUSE] "I am a child of God!" Do you really mean it? Then say it louder: "I am a child of God!"

If the gospel of Jesus Christ can be proclaimed as a theology of affirmation, imagine the health this could generate in society! It would rid us of feeling inferior. It would cure us of our depression. It would eliminate our anxiety. It would heal our guilt. It would cause us to be loving and kind to one another. It would fill us with joy. It would make us want to share this good news.

There are so many Christians who are walking cases of uptight, defensive, angry, fearful, neurotic meanies. Why is this? What else can we expect if the call to conversion is a call to negative self-image. We try to convert people by saying, "you are depraved, unworthy, totally sinful."

Let me ask you a question: Do you have a positive sense of self-respect or self-esteem? This is an important question because most human beings have a lack of self-esteem. Because we live in a world where we are constantly bombarded with criticism and damaging negative statements. Some parents think the way to train children is to tell them everything they do is wrong -- with so little affirmation of their value. Parents think that parenting consists only of telling the child of every mistake, every misstep, every error, every blunder.

Talk radio fills the air waves with constant, harping criticism as if our sole role in society is to tell others what they are doing wrong.

Even the church sometimes thinks its role is to be a policeman of the morals -- with so little emphasis on the good news of the love of God.

I am a child of God! Say it with me: I am a child of God!" [Now you’re getting it!]

The tragedy is that too many human beings have never discovered their divine heritage, so they live like animals. There are many studies today which document the scientific fact that a lack of self-esteem is at the root of alcoholism, drug addiction, teenage rebellion, marriage and family breakup, and all sorts and varieties of crime.

When we know that we are born to be children of God, we will be inspired to choose the path of righteousness. When we have a tremendous sense of self-respect, we don’t stoop to crime. When we have a consciousness that we belong to the family of God, we treat others with kindness, gentleness, forgiveness, because they are our brothers and sisters.

Let me ask you: how do we communicate with others in a way that will lead a person to Jesus Christ? How do you communicate with other persons in a Christ-like way? By telling them that they are sinners? Or by telling them they are children of God? Affirmation is one of the most effective ways to evangelize.

When we affirm others we do make a difference in their life. Let me share with you an aphorism from the field of psychology:

"I am not what I think I am.

I am not what you think I am;

I am what I think you think I am."

So when I say to you that you are a beautiful person, I am not just giving you a pat on the back -- I am helping to make you a beautiful person. When you say to me, I like the way you preach, you are not only giving me a compliment -- you are helping to make me a better preacher. Such is the power of affirmation.

How I wish I could help the married couples be more conscious of how they affirm one another. I hear them make far more "hurtful jokes." This sharp humor so often shatters self-esteem in a person. But I hear this witty repartee far more often than I hear warm and loving ways that they build up their spouse’s self-image. Next month is Valentine’s Day. I hope your relationship is still so fresh that you will send a valentine next month. Men often think that their relationship is old enough that they don’t have to observe Valentine’s day. But I have never met a woman who did not find joy in an affirmation of their worth.

I want to share a true story out of my Kentucky pastorate. The old farmer was sitting with his wife on the front porch watching the sun go down. It was a kind of mellow evening. The farmer turned to his wife and said, "Sairy, you’ve been a good wife all these years. Sometimes it was hard to keep from telling ye!"

In today’s society it takes a strong sense of self-worth and well-being to be a leader. The foul air of criticism and complaining surrounds us until we can hardly breathe. But our God can give us the fresh air of his love that will help us so that we can live victoriously and joyfully. I don’t want to trivialize this, but God sent the first valentine. "For God so loved the world that he gave his only son that you might have life."

God’s kingdom is a kingdom of joy. The source of my joy is that "I am a child of God!" Will you say it: "I AM A CHILD OF GOD!"

And because I have been given the gift of human dignity and self-esteem, I can affirm you by saying, "You are a child of God."